Unbelief

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Hello beautiful world! 

I promise I will be getting better at writing, I feel like I make these promises way to much and then swoop the weight of this world drags me down to slipping out of one routine and into the next. Between so many hospital trips for either a child, adults, co-workers, or myself I surprisingly find myself in such a peaceful state lately, and it even seems like everything else around me is running around at a thousand miles per hour and I just can't keep up, but i'm perfectly content. The last three months have been a whirlwind of not knowing what comes next, ideas from one end, and thoughts on the complete opposite spectrum.One of the hardest things for me is to feel like I see a vision of how I want something to go, or how I view my life going in one direction and then it gets switched. I am a VERY planned person and like to know where my support is coming from. Now that sounded very earthly, and I have to check myself a lot in that perspective of not thinking horizontal, but thinking vertically.

Do you ever find yourself praying out of routine, not really feeling it, and doubting? Sometimes I find myself in prayer and yet praying for things to happen, or praying for someone and in my heart I have doubts that "this isn't ever going to happen but here God." Even if you don't think you do this, lets get real, we all do even if it's unrecognized. But why would we pray to the one who created everything in even an ounce of unbelief. I have to say I am guilty of this. I've done this so many times, and I have been shown up by God so many times in, well watch me provide for you in this way. And even in my darkest times of unbelief, He continues to say " I love you anyway." EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING. Ephesians 2:1 has been hitting me hard.

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah." 


And in His timing He shows me exactly what I need. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.  I ask that as some of you continue to support me in prayer you put into your prayers the hearts and minds of my dearest youth that I work with. That you pray for my director at Nehemiah Mission, Jim, and his wife Robin as they plan to embark and a journey to Liberia where they will meet the mother of some of my children that are here in America. Pray they have a safe and fruitful trip. Pray for the people of Cleveland that will be experiencing a very cold winter. Please continue to pray for myself as I am yearning for guidance in making decisions for my future in ministry and that I waiver any unbelief that all things are possible through Christ. That I continue to lean not on my own understanding and continue to have the burning passion to serve Jesus's people. With that, GO and be the BEAUTIFUL FEET of Jesus. 


            Love,
                  Becky



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