Unplugged and life became real.

Social Media.

I have had a TON of confusing scenarios in my life the last three weeks. Mostly between me really wanting to find out what it is that I want in friendships, relationships, work, and over all life. And I was having a really hard time because I was never giving my heart the attention it really needed to make these decisions into life realities and not just Facebook status's of feelings that 26 letters in an alphabet couldn't possibly try and explain to those who really don't care anyways.

On October 31st, 2016 I thought to myself... there is so much more to life than literally checking my Facebook, instagram, twitter, and snap chat every waking minute. So I said, alright 72 hours, Becky, 72 hours you are on break.

I'm always noticing the teens around me stuck to their phone and all while I can keep saying they are addicted and can't live with out it,, I had to question myself in this endeavor. Because, am I the hypocrit? And to be any kind of Leader, you better be ready to lead by example.

I wasn't going to call myself addicted. But I started becoming self aware of just how much I did check. I really missed the idea of waking up to an actual alarm clock.

Wake up, check phone.

Brush teeth, music and scrolling through IG.

Make my coffee, liking status's on Facebook.

Head to work, snap chat my songs.

Get to work, and repeat the whole process between every minimal task. 

It was all consuming without even realizing it. I needed to have a break-up, a break up with social media. And I thought to myself, there is more than this. When I was in Liberia I didn't have that. It didn't matter, and I was all consumed with the smallest of things around me. Social media became the devil on my back.

So as I laid in bed and deleted each app from my phone, not deactivating because I thought that I have good will power, I suddenly felt a peace. My phone was still connected to the world though text messaging and phone calls, but that was it. I slept like an absolute fresh fed baby.

I woke up, checked my missed text messages and instantly as I closed out I went to the folder where my used to be apps once were. Then I remembered, "Oh this isn't how life is anymore."
So I went on with my day, my coffee tasted a little bit better, my drives seemed a little more extravagant, the music sounded so so sweet. But I won't lie when I say I totally tried to open that app.  So without hesitation of not trying to break my break, I deactiviated just to really make it real.

Social media has been away that my family does connect, with us all living in different states, we can stay in contact with one another without actually talking to one another. I realized thats kind of sad too. My mother always texts me "POL" meaning "Proof of Life" if she doesn't see me post for a few HOURS... So I did text her in warning that I would be MIA on the social media platform for a bit. Her response was, "Why, are you mad at me?". Now, she was totally joking, but think about that. Are we not staying connected with people we should be connected with  because social media has made it so easy to stalk out each other and know everything before we even have the chance to share it?

When you don't have these apps anymore, you start to really question what else your phone can do. I think the first day I spent more time looking at my phone in bewilderment thinking what good are you to me anymore.  You also get a whole ton done, my room has never been so clean, my meals never better, and my hair was on FLEEK!

It became interesting in the high and low of this slight change in my life. I'd find myself feeling a little bit alone, like who do I talk to now that I can't tag a meme or share my witty remarks about x,y, and z. Because sadly when we feel alone the first thing we've become accustomed to doing was grabbing our phones to be instantly connected to.... something. There were the highs, where I felt more alive than before. Where I felt like anxiety didn't exist, where I had more time for others, and less time to pity myself. I think that was what was most aware in my soul, the need to not to be heard anymore. I had no platform, I had no outlet other than who was with me right then and there. THAT, is what I needed to feel.

Now to be honest, I didn't really quit ALL social media... I mean I still had pinterest, and facebook messenger mostly because my family contacts me that way a lot. And Pinterest, come on' it's harmful. But I did delete the ones that I constantly checked. This isn't forever, because unfortunately I do love keeping in contact with everyone and it's kind of my job also. But I am going to be more aware of the consuming features social media can entail.

I had to own up to my failures that I was having in my feelings. Because instead of putting lipstick on a pig and telling everyone it's a princess, I needed to gain credibility and humility to owning up to my failures.

And I know that may seem extreme to some when it comes to cultural social media you may think, Becky isn't the problem with social media. But that's just it, I was turning to Facebook, instagram, and snap chat, before I was turning to the root of my issues and feelings. And that, is where the problem lies with social media. 

Much love,

Becky 

"HEY, LOOK UP! You don't have to be a ghost, here amongst the living. You are flesh and blood, and you deserve to be loved. And you deserve what you are given."