Burn out.

It's one beautiful day in North East Ohio. Our colors are at their peak of fall and it's one of the most refreshing sights to see before we sink into the depths of a cold winter. This time of the year is typically my favorite time because it's usually a time of reflections and preparation. This year has been a bit different for me.

People ever since I moved into a role of really, full time ministry, have always reminded me to make sure I don't "burn out". I heard it over and over again from so many people that have been in similar positions of feeling burnt out, worn out, or just mentally exhausted. I always thought to myself, that couldn't be me ever. How could I possibly get to the point of being done with something that I love so much. Of course, I've had dozens if not hundreds of days ending exhausted to get up the next day and do it all over again, but that's life.


This last  year was more of a whirlwind that anything. I went from thinking I had just mastered the pre-teen stage of the children I was pouring my life into, to only find that they were getting older and older by the day. Feeling as if you go from learning how to handle one situation to getting thrown to the wolves the next day with grandmothers biting their grand children, or 16 year olds with no actual housing and pregnant, 14 year olds succumbing to gang violence. It's the most frustrating thing I've had to endure, and possibly one of the hardest most hurtful heart breaks I've been through. It's easy to get lost in the "what has gone wrong" instead of finding those little pockets of joy.

When you see no physical evidence of progress, you'll feel burnt.

I learned to always have that mentality of I don't lose, but yet I learn or win was the way to keep myself from burning out. My dad always taught us, "It's not whether you win or lose, but it's how bad you beat them.". But of the latest, I'm human. I've been burnt, I spent most of my fall season feeling burnt. Becoming like a candle, burning myself out so that those who needed it, could have light.

There is beauty in the burn out. The beauty is that you're in fact, burnt out. Allowing that beauty to shatter you on the regular is the way you rebuild. Some of the most fascinating life filled people are those who have been burnt, broken, worn, and torn at all seems, but yet they still have the courage of heart to be open to love over and over again. At the end of the day, you'll feel that lowness, but the love that you feel during your highs, are so much more than the low. One thing I do know, there is an eternal light to cling to. 

You will burn out, and you will burn out, but you will be healed and you will make a come back again.

xoxo

Becky