23 things Ive learned in becoming a guardian at 23.

Life may have changed from grabbing a smoothie and an avocado for dinner to making sure there is a balanced meal on the table with no carrots but thats not to say it's anything less than magical.

On March 30th, I lost one of my best friends. And although we had our struggles during her illness, she left me the most precious gift someone could ever give to someone. She left me her daughter. At the time, I was 22 years old and still quite frankly finding myself. I laugh when people say that some day you actually do find yourself, I hear 63 year olds still talking about figuring out who they are. But regardless, I was fresh into the world of pretending to be an adult and pretending to know all the right answers. I spent a solid 3 days crying in my room, this was unlike me but so like me all at the same time. There were a lot of different factors that I wouldn't benefit from, there was no assistance for this situation without lots of legal fees. There was a large gap and lack of paperwork which made things even more difficult. I was in need of new housing due to living with a roommate who wouldn't want to add the responsibility of a child. These were all so consuming at the time, and now they are SO minimal.... which leads to numero 1.


1. Nothing of what you are feeling right in the moment, is that big of a deal.
Seriously, emotions are the worst tour guides of your life. Everyone is going to be okay.

2. Sometimes, even if they do something really really bad but really really funny, it's okay to laugh.

3. When you say "I love you", you may not ever get an "I love you" back but 9/10 she tells me to put my seatbelt on.

4. Lonely is a term we use in self pity. We aren't ever alone, especially when you are trying to go to the bathroom or take a shower.

5. You quickly realize all of the things that become REALLY REAL, for example, being called out on things you say and things you actually do. She has taught me more about myself and my own issues without even being aware of it.

6. Relationships and friendships are soon to be put to the test, you know who is your friend or more by how they respond to who you also now are caring for.

7. To give someone the comfort of security in a home through warmth, food, and love is greater than any inconvenience I can ever have.

8. Even if I my self am poor, we are rich together.

9. Always have pasta and ice cream in the pantry.

10. I will never have enough food in the fridge.

11. Even on the nights where I want to be alone, she gives me the laughs and joys of hearing about her day only because she wants to share them with me. She wants me to know about the highs and the lows... and the weird and strange changes of her body.

12. When I am sad, she's the first to spot it. And although she is unaffectionate she will enforce that I sit down and let her hug me so I can cry. She knows the bad days, because my bad days cannot ever trump her bad days, but she won't ever say that. She won't ever tell me my feelings are irrelevant, because as a child who has lost everything she knows what it feels like to feel desperate and alone. She knows there is a purpose for the pain.

13. HUMBLE, I've learned that I'm really not as cool as I think I can be. But sometimes, just sometimes, I'll get an instagram shoutout that makes me feel real legit.

14. Inappropriate questions can only make you feel embarrassed if you let them, and if you look like your embarrassed she will continue to dig even deeper.

15. Parenting a fresh adolescent isn't about power, but about respect. Power plays don't work, because they will always win. But earning respect is where the love is found.

16. Being open and as real as I can be and showing my flaws, has made me even more vulnerable than ever, BUT she is fully accepting and willing knowing that I am only doing my best.

17. I say I don't know a lot, because I don't know and that is okay. Because we are walking this great unknown with so many questions.

18. Giving hope is sometimes just sitting in silence knowing that we aren't alone. This all goes back to not being alone. Even at the darkest points in our lives, we have each other. It's the greatest joy I have ever experienced.

19. Guardians mean you choose her. I choose Massandje everyday. Although I didn't choose to end up in this situation, I CHOOSE her. I choose to love her. And although she will make big and small mistakes, she will forever know that I will CHOOSE her in whats best for her.

20. Twenty-three  years old is young. But it doesn't make anyone less able. Our abilities as humans are blocked by doubts, insecurities, oppressions. I refuse to let them win. I refuse to live in fear. I am so capable as any millionaire at 55 years old.

21. It's not about money, it's about value. Value has nothing to do with price. Value has to do with heart, soul, and the sweat you put into things. Money is such a fleeting substance.

22. Kids are completely honest, but you can't let their style advice really dictate your life. Because I do not look good in Jordans 11s.

23.  I know nothing at all. And by knowing nothing at all, I know all I need to know. Right? How stupid is that, but how great at the same time. I cannot wait to continue learning on this journey of spending the rest of my life with this child of God. Who was graciously and abruptly given to me. But I will never, ever regret taking this on. I wake up everyday, even sometimes with anger from her not covering her food in the fridge, but with a smile on my face that even the smallest things I can give of myself and my life are the greatest joy to give her a second chance to be WHO God created this awesome kid to be.

I am blessed & I am grateful for those along this ride that have been amazing to me and have provided for me everything we could ever need.





xoxo- Becky