Life is a never ending journey, and were just along for the ride.
The Journey
If I had been able to travel back to my mindset a few years ago, it'd be such a change then it is now. Trying to make sense of where I was going was probably my biggest mistake I think I've ever made. ( I am sure there are more) The saying " We take things for granted" sounds so cliche', I agree it does. But when you really truly grasp that idea that we are NOT guaranteed tomorrow, things change. The biggest thing that this world needs to overcome, next to knowing Jesus, is that we need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.
I was one of the biggest hypocrites I have ever met. I'd preach to people that life's so beautiful and that we need to live, love, and laugh. But secretly I hated everything about myself, my family, and my life. When everything was going wrong I didn't know how to pick up the pieces, and all I did was complain in the past instead of picking myself up and realizing that I am more than any situation that weighs me down. It wasn't until recently that I see myself behind others. I am so blessed to be breathing, to be walking, to be alive. Have you always said, "When I finish this, I can go do that" or "As soon as this happens, then I can move on." Why? Why can't you do it RIGHT NOW? Someone out there is counting on you, and you aren't even aware of it. I had finally realized that I must decrease to allow Jesus to increase, and then, that is the only time you will truly live life.
Coming to the complete realization that I am NOTHING, is a harsh and low point. But for me to be nothing is for me to be everything in Christ. It took me 17 years to figure that out. I'm still figuring out what my purpose is here, what I do know is that I am to glorify God in anything and everything I do. Here in Cleveland, I was exposed to a whole other culture. I never expected to see what I've seen, or to hear what I've heard. Children that are already so confused with faith in general. Violence in their homes, violence in their schools, and violence in their heads. It broke my heart to see such a loosing attitude about their lives in the past, present, and future.
Dear fourteen year old self, did you ever think that you'd be moving to the "ghetto" in four years? Did you ever think you'd be starting a program for children that are searching for love and acceptance? No, never. That is how I know that it is not my plans that I picked out, but the plans that have been picked out for me before time began. Crazy?! Yes, but I totally love it! Every day is a new journey holding new opportunities and adventures. In fact, if I were in charge, I can only imagine how awfully boring life would be. Take a leap of faith, become nothing to gain the world. Life is a never ending journey, and I am enjoying the ride to eternity.
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